In my inbox this morning, amongst the helpful people who want to increase the size of my manhood and the three Nigerians who want to pop a few million in my bank account for a short time, is an email from a cyclist who doesn't like me very much.
'Alan the Cyclist' took offence at my post where I dared to criticise cyclists as inconsiderate road users, citing the example of Mrs C who collided with a loony cyclist who was breaking the law and who then tried to extort money from us by 'using' the legal system.
He makes some great points:
"We cyclists are not easily roused in anger. We are generally nice, happy, slim and healthy people due to the exercise and fresh air we enjoy. We are cost beneficial to the NHS, and consequently are superior people to motorists."
I feel compelled to take to my bike immediately just so I can be superior.
"Motorists, on the other hand, are given to rage, two bellies, three chins, smoke while driving, drive while drunk, speak to their wives/business contacts on mobile telephones, tail-gate other drivers who they hate, drive huge tractor-type cars, drive taxis and white vans with outrageous lack of skills, park on pavements, and are costly to the NHS."
Now Mrs C is a bit excitable at times (she's of middle eastern extraction), probably could lose a pound or two and does have a 4x4, but not sure any of the other categories really apply.
There then follows a lecture on some weird bit of Government guidance that allows cyclist to ride on pavements from time to time. But at the end, this:
"Finally, I detect from your anger you are clearly in need of help. Apart from wanting us shot, you said.."Hope they all rot in hell", which is frankly an outburst from a raving lunatic. Do yourself a favour and visit your psychiatrist again as soon as possible, he will realise that since your last visit to him your condition has worsened. He will give you the help you need. But whatever you do, do NOT in any circumstances drive your car, you will probably injure a cyclist."
Ah! I've been rumbled. I'm the loony.
Pip, pip. Just off on my bike to visit Dolly my psychiatrist.
Showing posts with label cyclists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cyclists. Show all posts
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Cyclists
(Please note - this is an Obama free zone today and for many days to come)
On the way to work today I was in cyclist hell. Frankly the whole lot of them should be shot, one by one. Here's why:
1. One moment on the pavement, then on the road, then on the pavement, then on the fucking road again.
2. Slicing across my front, millimetres from my bumper as they do the above, flicking the Vs if you dare to hoot.
3. The arrogance of just riding through lights as if they are some special class of road user.
4. Their indignant outrage and aggression if they feel that you have (a) impeded their progress or (b) not second-guessed their antics and so got closer to them than they wanted.
5. The way they feel entitled to kick or hit your car if they don't like your driving, which is usually caused because they have just done something mad which you were somehow meant to anticipate.
6. The way they push to the front of any queue, blocking other vehicles as they do, in their 'special cyclist box' and then....pull away from the lights so fucking slowly that they actually cause congestion and make you miss the lights.
7. Their general 'holier than thou' attitude towards any other road user.
8. Their rip off lawyer tactics when they do get knocked off, usually due to their arrogant, aggressive and appalling road skills (see below).
Sometime ago, Mrs C, a careful driver, was sitting at the lights, in the left hand lane, indicating left. As the lights changed a fucking loony on a bike screamed up her left hand side heading straight on and at 5-10 mph Mrs C knocked her off her bike. Mrs C stopped, helped her, gave info to the police blah, blah. Said loony was fine, small cut no more.
A few days later the legal claim arrived: £10,000 for loss of bike, loss of memory, loss of sex life, brain ache, head ache, arm ache, heart ache etc. Spoke to insurance company. View was that although she was in the wrong, clearly lying and trying to work the system, she was on a bike and Mrs C was wrapped in a 4x4 and any court would automatically find against Mrs C, whatever the circs. They negotiated it down to £2k. Un-fucking-believable.
Hope they all rot in hell.
On the way to work today I was in cyclist hell. Frankly the whole lot of them should be shot, one by one. Here's why:
1. One moment on the pavement, then on the road, then on the pavement, then on the fucking road again.
2. Slicing across my front, millimetres from my bumper as they do the above, flicking the Vs if you dare to hoot.
3. The arrogance of just riding through lights as if they are some special class of road user.
4. Their indignant outrage and aggression if they feel that you have (a) impeded their progress or (b) not second-guessed their antics and so got closer to them than they wanted.
5. The way they feel entitled to kick or hit your car if they don't like your driving, which is usually caused because they have just done something mad which you were somehow meant to anticipate.
6. The way they push to the front of any queue, blocking other vehicles as they do, in their 'special cyclist box' and then....pull away from the lights so fucking slowly that they actually cause congestion and make you miss the lights.
7. Their general 'holier than thou' attitude towards any other road user.
8. Their rip off lawyer tactics when they do get knocked off, usually due to their arrogant, aggressive and appalling road skills (see below).
Sometime ago, Mrs C, a careful driver, was sitting at the lights, in the left hand lane, indicating left. As the lights changed a fucking loony on a bike screamed up her left hand side heading straight on and at 5-10 mph Mrs C knocked her off her bike. Mrs C stopped, helped her, gave info to the police blah, blah. Said loony was fine, small cut no more.
A few days later the legal claim arrived: £10,000 for loss of bike, loss of memory, loss of sex life, brain ache, head ache, arm ache, heart ache etc. Spoke to insurance company. View was that although she was in the wrong, clearly lying and trying to work the system, she was on a bike and Mrs C was wrapped in a 4x4 and any court would automatically find against Mrs C, whatever the circs. They negotiated it down to £2k. Un-fucking-believable.
Hope they all rot in hell.
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