Tuesday, 20 January 2009


(Please note - this is an Obama free zone today and for many days to come)

On the way to work today I was in cyclist hell. Frankly the whole lot of them should be shot, one by one. Here's why:

1. One moment on the pavement, then on the road, then on the pavement, then on the fucking road again.

2. Slicing across my front, millimetres from my bumper as they do the above, flicking the Vs if you dare to hoot.

3. The arrogance of just riding through lights as if they are some special class of road user.

4. Their indignant outrage and aggression if they feel that you have (a) impeded their progress or (b) not second-guessed their antics and so got closer to them than they wanted.

5. The way they feel entitled to kick or hit your car if they don't like your driving, which is usually caused because they have just done something mad which you were somehow meant to anticipate.

6. The way they push to the front of any queue, blocking other vehicles as they do, in their 'special cyclist box' and then....pull away from the lights so fucking slowly that they actually cause congestion and make you miss the lights.

7. Their general 'holier than thou' attitude towards any other road user.

8. Their rip off lawyer tactics when they do get knocked off, usually due to their arrogant, aggressive and appalling road skills (see below).

Sometime ago, Mrs C, a careful driver, was sitting at the lights, in the left hand lane, indicating left. As the lights changed a fucking loony on a bike screamed up her left hand side heading straight on and at 5-10 mph Mrs C knocked her off her bike. Mrs C stopped, helped her, gave info to the police blah, blah. Said loony was fine, small cut no more.

A few days later the legal claim arrived: £10,000 for loss of bike, loss of memory, loss of sex life, brain ache, head ache, arm ache, heart ache etc. Spoke to insurance company. View was that although she was in the wrong, clearly lying and trying to work the system, she was on a bike and Mrs C was wrapped in a 4x4 and any court would automatically find against Mrs C, whatever the circs. They negotiated it down to £2k. Un-fucking-believable.

Hope they all rot in hell.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh how I agree with your rant!
Several days ago a cyclist 'cut me up' as he weaved through traffic (mounting the kerb 'wheely' style, flicking on & off the pavement without due care for any pedestrian).

We eventually paired up at traffic lights; He actually leaned against my vehicle to peel & eat a banana, leaving an oily residue hand print on the passenger window! As I wound the window down to remonstrate with him he threw the banana skin through the open window, shouting "f**k you, it's all yours mate"...Off he shot, leaving me with steam coming out of my ears.

Imagine my absolute pleasure when I pulled into Tesco's car park & caught sight of the little turd locking his bike against a cycle rail.
Imagine the secondary wave of pleasure, when I realised the large 'Abus Granite Extreme' U Lock, was still laying in the boot of my vehicle, (now rendered useless as my son had misplaced two of the three keys issued with it).

I waited until the afore mentioned lycra cycle turd had entered Tesco, and then placed the U lock on his cycle frame, which really secured it for him. I then took great pleasure in standing next to him while he browsed the cycle mags... "do you remember me" I asked casually; He looked up at me (I am just over 6' tall, and a 22 year time-served Royal Marines Commando). He obviously did, he dropped the mag and sashayed to the exit double quick.

Having purchased my few items & upon leaving the store, I viewed the purple faced punk ranting & raging on his mobile. He never even noticed me, even though I stood and took great delight in his obvious misfortune.

NB: The donated U lock is a AAA grade security lock (Thatchem approved) as used on motor bikes etc, (the attack time being guaranteed against saws, but not oxyacetylene torches). Do cyclists carry emergency breakdown insurance?

After Note: Should it still be required; The spare key is at the bottom of the storm drain at Tesco's car wash!

Yours Aye...