Politicians' Tax Affairs

As I blogged a few days ago, Ken is a lying hypocrite. He has carried out sensible tax planning whilst blasting anyone else doing exactly the same as a tax avoiding “rich bastard”. He has then compounded this by smearing Boris as a tax avoider, when in fact Boris has either generously or stupidly not carried out any sensible tax planning and actually paid more tax than he is required to under current tax law.

All the London Mayoral candidates have now released some tax information. Ken’s is incomplete, incorrect and designed to obfuscate his real situation.

But after the media upped the ante on this whole issue, Boy George has now said he is up for the debate on whether frontline politicians should publish their tax returns, as in the USA.

This is a bad thing.

A really, really bad thing.

Of course we want our politicians to pay UK tax. So it goes without saying that all UK politicians should be UK tax resident. So far so good. And we want our politicians to not be lying hypocrites - hear that Ken? (Let’s not get started on all those Lefties who rail against private education and quietly send their children to private schools. That’s another level of hypocrisy for another post). But there are some serious arguments against extending these two perfectly proper requirements to requiring all politicians to publish their tax returns.

1. We will never get the media and the Left to be able to understand the difference between tax evasion, aggressive tax avoidance and sensible tax planning. The first is illegal, the second is unpleasant and successive Chancellors endlessly chase this problem through new legislation but the third is to be commended. We want people to work hard and they should be allowed to keep their hard earned income. It is a basic human right as far as I am concerned. So everyone should tax plan to perfectly legally and properly retain as much of their hard earned income as they can. Meanwhile, all governments have a terrible and endless track record of wasting taxpayers’ money and we should give them just enough to do what we need them to do and no more.

2. Direct comparisons of people’s tax affairs are very difficult. Much depends on many variables including your age, your employment circumstances, your attitude to saving/pensions/investments etc and of course each tax year is different with changing tax rates and changing individual circumstances. We would get terrible, wildly wrong and very politically partial analysis of politicians’ differing situations.

3. People just won’t understand the information. There was much coverage some time ago about Romney’s tax affairs in the States. What almost all commentators simply could not understand was that Romney was actually paying proportionally more tax than his competitors. They all wrote the story the other way around as they simply did not understand the complex information they were dealing with.

4. It is interesting that all those who always wank on about human rights are the first in the queue to want to take them away from people they don’t like. I actually think politicians should be allowed privacy, whether for their financial affairs or their family or whatever. If not, we will end up stopping normal people from wanting to become politicians, ending up with dull, squeaky clean automatons with zero personality, history or ideas. We want politicians who are representative of our society not homogenised dullards.

5. We would also effectively stop anyone who is successful (ie rich) from running for office. We need these guys exactly because they are successful. But why would many of them want The Daily Hate screaming about their personal finances? They would not put themselves forward.

6. Now for the most important reason. Yet more personality politics. This harks back to the issue of ‘intellectual elites’. How many of us can explain Boris or Ken’s exact policy on transport, the police, the City, air pollution, planning, the GLA tax precept etc. Yet we all know about their personal lives, their tax status, their families, their extra martial affairs blah, blah. We need to know much more about what our politicians plan to do and much less about what they are like. This issue is a growing cancer in our political system. We are becoming more and more like America on this and that is not good.

Lords Reform

Lords reform is back on the agenda. It was in the Coalition Agreement and Cleggy banged out his proposals last year which are now coming up for discussion. After their abject failure to win the referendum on voting system change, this issue is the next one the Lib Dems are hanging onto desperately hoping they can say they have actually changed something by the General Election in 2015.

Of course, this has been an issue for ever and a day. Since the Parliament Act 1911, the Byrce Commission in 1917, the next Parliament Act in 1949, through to the establishment of the Salisbury Convention in the 1940s, the arrival of life peers in the Life Peerages Act 1958 to the Peerages Act in 1963. In recent times, Tony B-liar established a Royal Commission in 1999 which led to a Joint Committee in 2000 and then a White Paper in 2001 followed by a further consultation in 2003 and then another White Paper in 2008. All of which went nowhere.

And it is topical again now: see here, here and here.

The problem with Lords reform, as demonstrated by all the previous failed attempts at coming to a generally agreeable solution, is that people always start looking at the issue from the wrong end of the question. They start by fretting about ‘who should sit in it’. Wrong question. The start point should be ‘what do we want it to do’. Seems to me, this is simple:

First, we want it to be Bagehot’s ‘revising chamber’ - ie we need it to be packed full of people who ‘know’ stuff (experts) rather than people who ‘believe’ stuff (politicians).

And, second, to forestall any future constitutional problems, we want it to be very clearly the junior chamber to the Commons - ie we don’t want the intransigent battles for future supremacy between the Lords and the Commons as has happened in the past (which is what you get if you stuff it full of egotistical politicians).

Both these two statements very much seem to mitigate against having it elected, with all the attendant cost, fuss and nonsense. Of course, this is anathema to all our elected politicians who continually promote the idea that only ‘pure’ people like them should be involved in politics. Utter bollocks of course. As we continually have seen, elected politicians have severe drawbacks, principally that they often know fuck all other than how to work their party’s system to get them selected to a winnable seat, a skill that is totally useless in a revising chamber.

So my suggestions would be:

1. 300 members.

2. 100% appointed, annually topped up to keep it at that number (transitional arrangements would of course be needed initially and for the first few years).

3. Hold rights to your seat for 10 years and then automatic resignation.

4. All members get life peerages on appointment.

5. A balance should be maintained between differing professional backgrounds – we want doctors, lawyers, teachers, union leaders, architects, town planners, social workers you name it, but as few professional politicians as possible, ie normal people not political party hacks and retired Commons 'seat blockers' put out to grass (it's a legislative chamber, not a retirment home for old politicians).

6. Give them an MP’s salary but you only get it if you actually attend, reviewed quarterly, and if you don’t attend enough for two quarters, you lose your seat.

7. Keep the principle of crossbenchers.

8. Clear out all the clergy but the leader of each established religion gets a seat whilst they hold that office.

Job done.

Where Weak Governments Seek Shelter

Three wonderful examples from today's media of desperate news management by 'right on' weak politicians:

1. Child Migrant Apology - A totally manufactured 'crisis' over apologising for sins past. Always a good one, this. The pathetic media, always desperate for a contrition story as it serves the current societal appetite for being outraged over nothing. Why apologise to all these ex-British Australians now? Why not in 1997? Or 1998? Or 1999? (I could go on). You have had a number of years to so this, Gordy. Such a desperate attempt to regain control over the news agenda and play Gordy as a brilliant compassionate leader, it's pathetically transparent. Pah!

And while we are on the subject of style over substance political apologies, where do we draw the line? Where is the apology from the Norwegians for raping and pillaging? And for that matter the French for invading Britain in 1066? And what about the Italians for letting Julius Caesar come over here and start the first road building programme? Trendy lefty governments love this sort of crap. Pointless political bullshit, which the media should ignore but suck up like lap dogs.

2. Pointless Summit - A summit that achieves nothing substantial but a photo op (funny how Obama is always there) and a 'really strongly worded communique', viz the APEC summit. I have opined about summits before (here, here and here). Can we all grow up? We Proles can see through the bullshit, you know.

3. Scapegoat-itis - Always blame someone else for your mistakes. Blameshift is a well recorded political tactic. Thus politicians, who have I recall been raping the taxpayer on pay, expenses and benefits in kind for decades, are still desperate to blame the evil bankers and their fat cat bonuses for our financial woes. Again, you fuckwits, it was a failure of Government regulation not a banking failure or greed on the part of any bankers.

I might as well piss into the wind.

Speaker Bercow

So there we are then. Speaker Bercow.

For what it's worth, in a totally lacklustre competition - a sort of rather dull 'land of the little people' - my comments:

Bercow - pompous little prat, voted by NuLab to piss off the Tories
Young - actually the best speech and probably the best candidate
Beith - sooooo dull
Beckett - absolutely underwhelming
Widdecombe -as ever, totally nutty
Haselhurst - technically good but uninspiring
Dhanda - sooooo weak it was pitiful
Sheppard - boring
McCormack - lovely 1850s throwback, but in 2009, really?
Lord - last ditch attempt at getting a peerage

But is the new Speaker fit for the job? What do we actually need from the Speaker in any case? Simple. Three things:

1. To chair the House in an independent way, helping backbenchers and the opposition hold the executive to account.

2. To run the House effectively.

3. To steal back power for the House from the executive.

Well, first of all we can see how crap Michael Martin was. He failed all three tests tragically. But I struggle to believe that our new Speaker is going to measure up.

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

...or to translate the words of Juvenal, the famous Roman poet and satirist: who will guard the guards?

We have an absolutely fundamental problem in our democracy. The mission creep of the executive, started by Thatcher, accelerated massively by Blair and topped off with supreme disdainful arrogance by Brown, is now the rotten core of our governance system. Examples from just the last 24 hrs alone:

Yesterday's PMQs - A set piece, weekly moment in holding the executive to account has been transformed into the PM refusing to answer any direct question and lying on the record about the executive's own policies.

The Chancellor's Mansion House speech - Despite the banking regulation system created by the executive being demonstrably inadequate, with the Governor of the Bank calling for it to be changed, with the US Government strengthening their system, because it would seem to be admitting incompetence, the executive toughs it out and refuse to change things.

The fake Iraq war inquiry - A chorus of disapproval, now joined by Lords Butler and Hutton - both past chairmen of war-related public inquiries - reigns down on the executive and its cover up operation of what has been without doubt the most outrageous and expensive (in terms of human life) botch up during NuLab's period in power. The executive just arrogantly ignore the criticism.

MPs expenses - Today the feeding frenzy begins all over again. Standby for days of more coverage. There will be more scalps; NuLab minister Shahid Malik is clinging on by his finger nails and will surely go soon but there will be more. The whole legislature, including the executive, are sullied. And the response of the executive has been pitiful, more interested in covering up the detail and using distraction techniques (even today, funny that Fred the Shred's pension deal should be leaked today, huh?) than shedding light and promoting openness.

All these demonstrate the fundamental problem of our democracy: we have an executive that is so powerful that it now listens to no one, has no shame, and does exactly what it wants.

To answer Juvenal's question, no one is guarding the guards. They are out of control.

No MPs to be Prosecuted...

...as I predicted some time ago, in fact. Read it here.

Why no prosecutions?

1. After the botched 'cash for honours' and Damian Green investigations, the police do not want a third and are looking for any excuse to not have to get involved.

2. If the Fees Office cleared the claims, then it's difficult to find any individual MP at fault.

One rule for us....

As Predicted

Labour cabinet members have no balls - no one, bar James Purnell whoever he is - told the one-eyed fuckwit to stand down.

Labour backbenchers have no balls, as it is proven once again that they cannot seem to ever organise a coup.

The winner?

Dave. He will have a wounded, discredited PM left in place. Open goal until General Election day.

Having said that, all you bollockless NuLab MPs out there, can the disaster of Monday's Euro results not rouse you from your stupor?

Wednesday Games - Game 2

If as an MP you have been shamed into retiring at the next election because you have been exposed for (a) fraudulently using taxpayer's cash to benefit yourself, or (b) unethical behaviour by working the system for your personal benefit or (c) gilding your home with luxury accoutrement's paid for by the taxpayer, do you get:

Option 1 - Thrown out of office and prosecuted

or

Option 2 - Salary and allowances of around £250k pa to spend as you like until the next election, about another £100k in loss of office allowances, the most generous public sector final salary pension scheme ever, to keep the profit on the 2nd property the taxpayer kindly bought for you, and membership of the Association of Former MPs, giving you a Commons pass (which no doubt will help in your new role as a commercial lobbyist).

Did you guess right?

Just Like Buses...

I suppose I should be banging on about all the MPs who are falling on their swords every hour on the hour these past few days. But, you know, I just can't be assed.

Told You So

You can't defy the markets, Ms Kirkbride.

As I predicted here.

Poor Nadine

Ahh, diddums. Poor Nadine Dorries MP is worried about the mental health of MPs who are under "unbearable pressure" from the media. Hear it here on R4.

1. No one asked them to stand for Parliament. If you can't take the pressure...

2. Unbelievable hypocrisy. MPs love inflicting pressure on others all the time.

2. They are in the media spotlight because...they have been caught stealing or misusing taxpayers' cash.

3. Tough shit. She may be top Tory totty but she, like that absolute asshole Anthony Steen - the poster boy of arrogant entitlement - still just doesn't seem to get it.

WE, THE PEOPLE, ARE FUCKED OFF THAT THE MONEY WE HAVE WORKED OUR ASSES OFF TRYING TO EARN, AND HAVE BEEN COMPELLED TO PAY TO THE GOVERNMENT, HAS BEEN STOLEN BY YOU FUCKERS, SQUANDERED ON CRAP, AND YOU WANKERS HAVE DONE YOUR DAMNEDEST TO HIDE THIS FROM US.

Dishonourable Arrogance

Yesterday was an inglorious day.

Since the early 90s under the Tories, and dramatically since Labour came to power in the late 90s, the days of honourable behaviour in public life have long since ebbed away. Perhaps, Lord Carrington in 1982 was the last set piece occasion when it was evident. All those ghastly Tories during the Major years (Hamilton, Treddinick, Smith etc) and almost every Labourite who has tried to stay in office when it was clearly time to go, have demonstrated this point.

We now have a professional political class who cling to power at all costs. Despite the fact that their position is untenable, that they are openly vilified, that they have been publicly disgraced, that they are ridiculed daily in the media, that public opinion is lined up against them, still they try to cling to power, the trappings of office and, most importantly, the big salary that goes with it.

Even the Great Iain Dale has been caught up in the Westminster madness that is the current febrile atmosphere in the political village. In short, Martin is not going anywhere because:

• He wants to keep the big salary for another year (ie until the election)
• Gordy wants Martin around to take the heat and media attention away from him
• Labour MPs will fight to deny as many Labour scalps as possible to the Daily Torygraph
• Dave needs to retain as much discredited Labour shit in place as possible to help him at the polls in 2010
• Tory MPs want to be able to control who the next Speaker will be, which they cannot do until after the next election when they will have a majority

To paraphrase Michael Winner in those ghastly Esure adverts: "Calm down, Dear. It's only a political scandal".

I'm Expensed Out

(I've been missing again. Adjusting to having two small children. It appears to be a bit trickier than anticipated. And quite tiring.)

Anyway, I don't know about you but I am sooooooooooooooooooo fucking bored of the expenses scandal.

• They wrote the rules for the ease of theft.
• And then then stole.
• But it was "within the rules".
• But not ethical, moral or in some cases legal.
• The end.

What's not to get. Kind of interesting to watch the thieves dealing with it. Several phases:

Phase 1 - Denial, hoping it will all go away.

Phase 2 - Clarify that "it's within the rules" and hope that it will all go away.

Phase 3 - Blame shift: "The Fees Office agreed my expenses", hoping it will all go away.

Phase 4 - Bury head in sand by hiding from the media, hoping that it will all go away.

Phase 5 - Speak to whips/party bosses. Announce you are paying the money back, thereby hoping it will all go away.

Phase 6 - Find someone to blame: step forward Michael 'The Incompetent' Martin, and hope that it will all go away.

Morons at work. This is going to change politics. It's not going to go away. There will be de-selections. There will be more scalps. There will be electoral consequences. Brown will continue to look terribly slow and reactive. Cameron is looking good but needs to keep up the pace.

MP Watch

So you will recall that I have been running a rolling list of MPs who are not fit for office. The last version is here.

Well, in light of the forthcoming July receipt publication and, more specifically, The Daily Telegraph's revelations, I simply cannot keep up with all the outrageous behaviour of our illustrious representatives. In fact, I hereby scrap MP Watch and am starting a new scheme:

Find An MP Who Is Not On The Make And Therefore Deserves Re-Election Watch.

All nominations by comment or to melvin.cragsbury@hotmail.co.uk.

More seriously, for all the revelations, for all the Gordy U-Tube nonsense, for all the crass excuses (think Pickles and think Straw yesterday) and for all the lack of ethics and lack of moral authority ("but it's in the rules"), here are the simple rules that need to be applied:

1. There seems to me to be nothing wrong with the rules I suggested some time ago here. In summary:

a. Cull the number of politicians as we have way too many.
b. Being an MP is a part-time job. Remunerate it as such.
c. Keep the salary as it is.
d. Reduce the secretarial allowance.
e. Do not pay MPs to start a property portfolio. Give them a per diem for any night they have to spend in London. (All this spin about "paying MPs' to turn up", generated by MPs note, is just a smokescreen because MPs do not like this concept as they would take a pay cut).
f. Receipts for everything over £10
g. Annual audits of all MPs expenses by the NAO.

2. MPs need to accept, particularly at this time, that they have got away with being massively overpaid in expenses and pensions etc, and that they now need to take a massive cut. Lead from the front guys.

3. As I have said many times here before, foxes cannot be in charge of the chicken coup. So MPs' remuneration in all its forms needs to be taken away from MPs and handed to an independent body.

4. Any scheme needs to be absolutely transparent, published in full annually and aggressively regulated with a simple punishment if you get it wrong: immediate removal from office and an immediate by-election. Trust me, there would be no fiddling then.

Oh and all this fake outrage at a media exclusive and money being paid for the leak and the police being called in etc, P-L-E-A-S-E. These fuckers have been on the make, been caught, tried to stop the taxpayer finding out, gone to court to try to overturn a decision against their exposure and are only now, belatedly and begrudgingly, releasing some not all of the information.

Updated MP Watch

Thanks for all those email contributions from others. Keep them coming....






MPs Unfit to Hold Office (by their own actions)

Labour

Ed Balls - Fiddling his expenses

Margaret Beckitt - Three homes on the taxpayer

David Borrow - Misusing Parliamentary allowances for blatant electioneering

Kevin Brennan - Making taxpayers pay his stamp duty

Gordon Brown - Utter incompetence and making the UK bankrupt

Dawn Butler - Utter incompetence and failing in her job as a whip, as well as making the taxpayer pay for a second home only 11 miles away from her own

Harry Cohen - Fiddling full ACA whilst claiming his main home is really a caravan in Colchester

Yvette Cooper - Fiddling her expenses

Alistair Darling - Stealing from the taxpayer by claiming ACA for 2nd home whilst owning another already in London

Barbara Follett - Claimed £126,952 in second home allowance since 2001 whilst renting out a flat in London, a house in South Africa and a holiday home in Antigua

Nigel Griffiths - Adultery, lying and using his taxpayer funded Commons office for sex romps

Peter Hain - ‘Forgetting' to register £100k of Deputy Leadership campaign funding

Harriet Harman - General vacuousness and financial ineptitude when running for Deputy Leader

Geoff Hoon – Using his allowances to pay for property which he in fact rented out whilst living in a grace and favour Government property

Ann Keen - Claiming double rations of expenses with her husband

Alan Keen - Claiming double rations of expenses with his wife

Ruth Kelly - Utter incompetence when a minister

David Lammy - Utterly incompetent and completely out of his depth

Michael Martin – The most incompetent and dishonest Speaker in history, as well as for fiddling his allowances to build up a property portfolio whilst living in grace and favour Speaker’s House

Tony McNulty - Stealing from the taxpayer by fiddling his expenses (ACA 2nd home for parents)

Michael Meacher - Rented out four properties in London and one in the Cotswolds while claiming £57,468 in ACA

Sion Simon - Utter incompetence and being completely out of his depth on his ministerial brief, as well as (a) making a cringe worthy spoof video of Cameron (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ace0gtn8dJ0) and then trying to defend it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcS7i4wn01o), with an astonishing haircut and way too much aggression – unbelievable that this muppet is a Government minister

Jacqui Smith - Stealing from the taxpayer by fiddling her expenses (ACA for her actual family home whilst pretending to live with her sister), for incorrectly claiming for porn films for her husband (paid £40k by the taxpayer as her assistant), making taxpayers buy her a BBQ, and on, and on, and on

Tom Watson – Misusing his position as a minister by becoming embroiled in ‘McBridegate’, amongst many other evil sins

Keith Vaz - Endless dodgy behaviour and still having the brass neck to try and be taken seriously

Rudy Vis - Using allowances to buy retirement home

Shaun Woodward – Apart from being a slimy turncoat, he claimed £138,546 in ACA while renting out properties in France, New York State and the West Indies, although he and his wife Camilla, a Sainsbury heiress, own a house 200 yards from Parliament and a house in Oxfordshire

Tories

Michael Ancram - Stealing from the taxpayer to fund repainting and moss removal on his family home

James Clappison – Using his allowances to part fund his property portfolio

Alan Duncan - Claimed £143,392 in second home allowance despite owning two adjoining terrace houses in Westminster, one of which he rents to tenants

Chris Grayling - Stealing from the taxpayer by claiming ACA for a flat he rarely uses

Douglas Hogg - Rented three London properties to tenants while claiming £143,651 in ACA since 2001

Eric Pickles - Stealing from the taxpayer by claiming ACA when he clearly shouldn't (although within the rules) and arrogantly trying to justify it on Question Time

Caroline Spelman - Stealing from the taxpayer to pay for her nanny

Theresa Villiers - Making taxpayers pay her stamp duty

Lib Dems

David Howarth - Being a total Lefty wanker by attacking the police for the death of a man during the G20 riot

Charles Kennedy - Drunkenness whilst trying to be elected as Prime Minister

Mark Oaten - Bi-sexual adultery

Lembit Opik - Just for being an attention seeking prat

Sinn Fein

Gerry Adams – Stealing from the British taxpayer by claiming all his allowances whilst refusing to take his seat in Parliament

Pat Doherty - Stealing from the British taxpayer by claiming all his allowances whilst refusing to take his seat in Parliament

Conor Murphy - Stealing from the British taxpayer by claiming all his allowances whilst refusing to take his seat in Parliament

Martin McGuiness - For stealing from the British taxpayer by claiming all his allowances whilst refusing to take his seat in Parliament

Michelle Gildernew - For stealing from the British taxpayer by claiming all her allowances whilst refusing to take her seat in Parliament

Others

Derek Conway - Out and out theft from the taxpayer to pay for his son’s university drugs, sex and rock and roll lifestyle

George Galloway - Appearing on Big Brother and impersonating a cat during Parliamentary session

Andrew Pelling - Adultery, alleged wife beating and having the arrogant effrontery to try and keep his seat

Drapergate 2 or McBridegate 1?

So the delicious story of No 10's dirty tricks department is building to its crescendo. Guido has two tasters here and here, as well as being on Sky today (so much better than the debacle on The Daily Politics, Guido, good work). The Great Iain Dale, also on Sky and BBC today, has opined as well. Dizzy has uncovered the embryonic Red Flag site and Tory Bear has made us all laugh.

Like all of us I am sure, I am salivating at the wonderful Sunday reading awaiting me. The story will unfold for the next 24 hrs in all its glory. I guess McBride will be sacked. Draper already looks as if he has been edged out. Many bloggers will chitter chatter over the next few days, but what are the lessons learnt, particularly for Dave and his incoming tribe?

1. Political parties and their politicians, like all leaders, need to have integrity. And integrity is important. You cannot command respect without it. And like virginity, once lost it can never regained.

2. As a leader, claiming you did not know what your close advisers were doing or that whilst unethical 'it's OK because it's within the rules' just won't wash with the floating vote. The tribal vote will always overlook problems, but they don't win elections.

3. If a staff member has shown a complete lack of integrity, you sack them and - here's the lesson for NuLab - never employ them again as leopards tend not to change their spots. Draper is a proven lying shit and always will be. I am sure Lord Manbypanby will blow up in their faces at some stage too. (Dave - think Jeffrey Archer, think Jonathan Aitken, think David Mellor. Don't ever go there.)

4. The politicisation of the civil service needs to be reversed. Civil servants should be neutral. Political advisers are party animals. They need to be kept entirely separate.

5. The dead tree press will forever more follow the blogosphere. It's been easy for Dave in opposition. It will be harder in Government, and he needs to think now how to keep ahead of that change.

How To...Be A Successful Politician

Do you remember Client 9? He was the high flying New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer, who campaigned against prostitution and then...was actually found to be one of the best customers of one of most infamous escort services in NY. Well he appears to be the latest exponent of the art of managing a successful political comeback. See him here earlier this week on MSNBC:





Unbelievable. The neck on this bastard. Having been proven to be a serial liar and total fucking hypocrite, he thinks he can worm his way back into mainstream politics.

This got me to thinking: what is the basic skillset you actually need as a modern day politician to be able to withstand the 24/7 media and blogosphere onslaught. Answer: supreme arrogance coupled with no shame.

In yesteryear, John Profumo and the like crawled off the stage and devoted the rest of their life to good charitable deeds in order to rehabilitate themselves quietly in the shadows of society.

Nowadays, in our me, me, me, I deserve everything, celeb obsessed society, there is no slinking off, no days in the wilderness, the bastards just brazen it out using the following steps:

1. Deny (see if you can get away with it)
2. Admit (with exclusive media interview)
3. Apologise (remembering to not write 'sorry' on your hand)
4. Photo op with partner (if relevant)
5. Keep going as you are (and get the next expenses claim in)

Think it through: Mark Oaten, Andrew Pelling, David Blunket, Lord Manbypanby, Jacqui Smith, Eric Pickles et al.

How awful is this world. Off to kill myself.

Why We’re In the Shit

Daily Referendum has a devastating analysis of why we're in the shit, copied below:



Gordon Brown - Lecturer
Paul Murphy - Lecturer
John Hutton - Lecturer
Lord Mandelson - Career Politician
David Miliband - Career Politician
Jim Murphy - Career Politician
Douglas Alexander - Career Politician
Ed Miliband - Career Politician
John Denham - Career Politician
Jack Straw - Barrister
Alistair Darling - Solicitor
Hazel Blears - Solicitor
Harriet Harman - Solicitor
Geoff Hoon - Lecturer/Barrister
James Purnell - Researcher
Shaun Woodward - Researcher
Andy Burnham - Researcher
Yvette Cooper - Researcher
Jacqui Smith - Teacher
Alan Johnson - Postman
Hilary Benn - Unionist
Ed Balls - Journalist

No wonder. Just the mix of professional experience you need in any Cabinet to deal with a global recession.

Culling Politicians

With reference to my suggested changes to Parliamentary allowances (see here), we have some good news.

No, not that the cheeky bastards last week gave themselves a bigger rise than the rest of the public sector.

Nor that London MPs 'London supplement' has gone from around £3k to £7.5k.

(Just absolutely incredible that both these changes can occur amidst the current public outrage over MPs pay and allowances).

No, the good news is that we have 1312 less politicians in this country. Wahooo! Well, it's a start isn't it.

Our Balanced Media

Sunday Times - MPs claim stamp duty on expenses

Mail on Sunday - We buy Jacqui Smith a new BBQ and MPs' New Zealand junket

News of the World - Peter Robinson sucks the taxpayer dry

Sunday Express - Hoon on the fiddle

Observer - Nothing

Sunday Mirror- Nothing

Even the Independent covers the Hoon story

A balanced media. The bulwark of democracy.