Saturday, 14 February 2009

Cyclist Hell 2

In my inbox this morning, amongst the helpful people who want to increase the size of my manhood and the three Nigerians who want to pop a few million in my bank account for a short time, is an email from a cyclist who doesn't like me very much.

'Alan the Cyclist' took offence at my post where I dared to criticise cyclists as inconsiderate road users, citing the example of Mrs C who collided with a loony cyclist who was breaking the law and who then tried to extort money from us by 'using' the legal system.

He makes some great points:

"We cyclists are not easily roused in anger. We are generally nice, happy, slim and healthy people due to the exercise and fresh air we enjoy. We are cost beneficial to the NHS, and consequently are superior people to motorists."

I feel compelled to take to my bike immediately just so I can be superior.

"Motorists, on the other hand, are given to rage, two bellies, three chins, smoke while driving, drive while drunk, speak to their wives/business contacts on mobile telephones, tail-gate other drivers who they hate, drive huge tractor-type cars, drive taxis and white vans with outrageous lack of skills, park on pavements, and are costly to the NHS."

Now Mrs C is a bit excitable at times (she's of middle eastern extraction), probably could lose a pound or two and does have a 4x4, but not sure any of the other categories really apply.

There then follows a lecture on some weird bit of Government guidance that allows cyclist to ride on pavements from time to time. But at the end, this:

"Finally, I detect from your anger you are clearly in need of help. Apart from wanting us shot, you said.."Hope they all rot in hell", which is frankly an outburst from a raving lunatic. Do yourself a favour and visit your psychiatrist again as soon as possible, he will realise that since your last visit to him your condition has worsened. He will give you the help you need. But whatever you do, do NOT in any circumstances drive your car, you will probably injure a cyclist."

Ah! I've been rumbled. I'm the loony.

Pip, pip. Just off on my bike to visit Dolly my psychiatrist.

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